she was so not down for the gang bang
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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