i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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