Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
