you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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