This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
