True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
