so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
