Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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