Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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