Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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