Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
