He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
