i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
