I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
