can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
