Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
