Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize