12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
