U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize