covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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