I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Say something about gay babies.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
