He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
