This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize