The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
