I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Couch. On fire.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
