no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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