im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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