Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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