you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
