So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize