I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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