My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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