Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
