He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
