operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
