I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
