it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
