i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
