i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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