I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
