mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
