Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
