You're my little dorito
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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