How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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