Your dad touched me again.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
