I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
