I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
