turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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