God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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