God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
