I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
