I molested 6 butterflies tonight
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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