I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
