I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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