My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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