either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
