Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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