Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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