so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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