fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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