Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
