stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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