In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
