The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
