I am puke
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
