Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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