went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just got carded by a ten year old.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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