i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
