sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
