Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
