1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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