we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
