Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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