Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just want nice things and good sex
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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