dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He shit in the fireplace
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize