I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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