His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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