He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm like, not good at living.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize