Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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