He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
