So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
