Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
