remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
