The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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