so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
