awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
