when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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