I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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