You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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