We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
