Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
