It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
